On your tv show 'Dirty Jobs,' you pay visits to regular people who have dirty jobs that make civilized life possible. In the past, you've visited sewer inspectors, meat packers, and shrimp fisherman. At the end of each show, you also ask viewers to write in and suggest other dirty jobs for you to try out.
In response, I am hereby suggesting you take a trip and visit a live-aboard cruiser. Although it may be the opposite of a 'job,' there are many opportunities to get good and soiled. Here's a short list of some of the dirty tasks we had to tackle over the last few days:
1) Not showering: Before Vanuatu, my last hot shower had been a week before in Savusavu, Fiji. Before that, three months before in Panama City, Panama.
2) Changing oil on a diesel: A messy job involving limited access, a weak oil drain pump, and a poorly placed oil filter. Changing the oil gives your hands and arms a distinctly grizzly flavor.
3) Offshore watches on a beam reach: Just as multiple coats of varnish build up a glimmering coat on top of wood, constant ocean spray evaporating off your skin and clothes leaves a massive coating of salt. Soft shirts become stiff, hair becomes coiffed, and everything else looks like it's been hit by a light dusting of snow.
4) Removing and replacing the starter on the engine: The starter itself is not messy, however the limited access in the engine compartment brings you back into contact with much of the aforementioned oil.
5) Rebuilding the head. Our 44 year old toilet finally got the best of us on the last crossing. Flushing (which was already a very physically and emotionally demanding process) ceased despite all efforts, thus requiring a full rebuild of the toilet. We had a rebuild kit, and the six hour process ended in success, but I have now vowed to never again own a toilet that requires screwdrivers, wrenches, and a hammer to maintain.
So as you can see, life on a boat can get (and stay) very dirty. I know it's merely a chosen lifestyle (and thus warrants no complaints), but if you have the time, feel free to stop on by.
We've got a bilge that needs scrubbing.
Sincerely,
-Adam